WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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