it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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