it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
