I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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