i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
