I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
