He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
