would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
