look no pants
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
