Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
