Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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