One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
