My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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