I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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