I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
