i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
