I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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