He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
