If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
