He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
