the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
