Yo dont text me then not text me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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