My liver just broke up with me...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
