I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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