what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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