I accidentally had phone sex last night
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
