im holly from the hills drunk
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
