so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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