Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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