I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I am midnight drunk by noon
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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