Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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