sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
false alarm, still single
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
