I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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