she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
