Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
