He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
3 2 1 whiskey
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
