New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
