barbara walters just said penis...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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