My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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