thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
