Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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