I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
