I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
