some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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