One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
