i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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