Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
