if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
