Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
