Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
