I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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