I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
