either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
