Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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